So, again for the millionth plan Iv’e made with this blog, slowly its turning into something I feel like I want it to be. I have (if you haven’t noticed) had a small hiatus again, mainly because my anxiety is awful at the moment and we went on holiday to Crete (which would have been more relaxing if my daughter hadn’t had ear infections and fevers all holiday). I am slowly starting to get more of a plan on vanquishing my anxiety. I knew this would be a bit of a crisis year as I was changing jobs, coming back from maternity etc, but stupidly didn’t really put any plans into place; I did try! I just forgot.
So our holiday to Crete was lovely I will pop a post up at some point highlighting my favorite parts of Crete but that will more than likely be a little bit later on as currently (for the first time ever!) I have actually got pre planned blog posts, my next one will be a article on why I love France and the best places to visit (focusing on the less obvious: like Paris, Loire Valley and St Tropez).
I really want to get into my writing, and I always seem to struggle deciding if I should spend my time on my blog or book, I am currently 17,000 words into my novel (which is really impressive for me as I have never made it this far before) I might mention this in a few of my updates as i am taking part in NaNoWriMo again this year and so far so good (although this is only the second day). My daily word count goal is 1,667 words (for my novel, so I’m going to be doing a lot of writing in the coming month!
I love writing I do feel like I have a talent for coming up with stories (I have always had a vivid imaginations, I feel honestly that comes a little bit from my whittling. Not as in the whittling of wood, but the worrisome version; a word my mum always used to describe my grandma. Who incidentally I take after the most out of my family; I am also very proud of this, she was always a massive hero to me growing up.
My grandma was an expert story teller, and a lot of my influence has come from her, I remember her telling family stories, that normally would be boring to a child; she always made them exciting. Including one story that me and my sister will remember forever and has quite a bearing on the way I remember my grandma, it involved: world war two, my granddad, uncle Jack, and penny cut in half; she actually still has the half penny somewhere.
Which leads me on to the kind of cherry that is currently balancing my cake of anxiety, which is that shes been in and out of hospital recently (she also has very bad dementia). We have been told many times that she is likely to die, things are getting worse and I really don’t see her making a come back this time. As I am a nurse you would think that I would be quite good with this kind of thing; actually I do struggle, I guess you don’t really know how your going to act until it is happening to you. I try to follow my own advice but i’m really scared because every time I see her like this I feel the good memory’s of her fading away; this is making me feel nervous and anxious about visiting her, which has led to less visits, and therefore in turn made me feel guilty. To be honest i’m not really sure how to handle this, but i’m trying to, I make sure I am going up still and talk to her its just really hard when they aren’t the person you remember.
Anyway all these anxiety’s kind of pile up then I start procrastinating instead of taking control. I also feel this gets worse in winter, so this year its not going to happen! First of all I am going to try and visit a holistic therapy shop to try out some sort of calming meditation (meditation does work for me but if I don’t stick at it I start to forget it) I also already am part of a gym, which includes classes (which I do still attend), I have noticed Yoga pop up on their list so i’m going to restart doing yoga too.
Hopefully my France post will be up either tomorrow or Sunday and then lets hope I continue to be motivated!