Should I be worried about my daughter falling asleep in a Tesco shopping trolley? This has been the main question on my mind today as walked past the third tutting elderly lady. My daughter was leaning forward, drooling over the trolley handle (is that what the thing you hold on to when pushing your trolley around, the pusher pole thing). I felt bad anyway and spent the next half an hour in a bit of a panic trying to leave the shop, before the appropriate toddler sleep brigade came to get me, for my poor parenting. Maybe I should have let her nap earlier? I did try to get her to nap before taking the fated shopping trip; but she refused and instead had sporadic paddies, in-between playing with her toys.
I’m not going to harp on about how unfair it is people judge you as a parent; I’ve come to terms with it. I enjoy it to be honest, nothing gets my heckles up more, than thinking about all the snippy comebacks I could shove back at someone if they dared utter a word. Then I feel quite pleased with myself.
A thought back to one in particular that I was doting on a few weeks back was the plane journey back from Crete. Sometimes little things bother me for weeks, the issue comes back to haunt me a few times a day, not haunt, rather annoy me. I’m still thinking of amazing things I could have said to the lady on the plane; she complained about my daughter crying. Maybe I’m being a bit entitled as a mother thinking that she should have fucked right off, but really my daughter cried for twenty minutes. Did she think I was making her cry on purpose? It couldn’t be helped, I was stressed about it as it was, and I didn’t need to hear her moaning or huffing about it. So I stared at the back of her head angrily while thinking up things to say if she dared make a complaint. Though it probably wouldn’t have come out the way I wanted, I probably would have just squeaked a comment at her and gone red and shaky.
So this week occasionally I get really annoyed at her again and then come up with scenarios in my head in which I make an amazing snipe at her and then everybody claps at my wittiness.
I get so fuzzeld up with what other people think sometimes, I wish I could be one of those people who walk through life literally not giving a shit. I am going to try to be, like I said I have kind of come to terms with secretly being annoyed about other people’s attitudes, so I think I look like one of those people, but secretly I’m super hung up on every little thing.
Anyway I get my own back on people in petty subtle ways. I heard the plane lady say she was going to the toilet so I got up faster and spent a long time sat in the plane toilet, smiling that she was having to wait longer. I felt better after that.
I had a nice time in Crete though.
photography by The Victoria Langford